Fake News

At Just Under 6 Minutes, Mom Leaves Son Shortest Voicemail To Date

SAN DIEGO, CA –– Having not heard from him in nearly two days, Alice Tomlinson called her 32-year-old son, Ryan, to check in. But when the call went to voicemail, she began spewing out literally anything and everything that popped into her head.

Despite having so much to catch up on, Alice’s voicemail clocked in at just 5 minutes and 51 seconds –– a personal record.

“I asked if he could make it to dinner on Saturday, which made me think about how my husband and I had dinner with our neighbors Tony and Patricia a few nights ago, and they cooked this incredible prime rib,” she remembers. “That made me think of an article I just read about how red meat isn’t as bad for you as everyone says, so I talked about that for a bit.

“Then I felt myself starting to ramble, so I had to quickly tell him about his father’s new P90X regimen and that I was thinking of taking a water color class."

The one blemish in Alice’s record-breaking voicemail was when she asked her son to “hold on for a sec,” even though she was in the middle of leaving a voicemail.

“In hindsight, that's the only part where I think I could've shaved off a few more seconds," she explained. "But I had to get the casserole out of the oven, so what choice did I have?"

But her unprecedented brevity came at a price. After having a moment to reflect, Alice realizes she forget a few essential points.

"If I could do it all over again, I'd remember to tell him how handsome he looked in his last Instagram post, and that his girlfriend is a very lucky girl. I hope he knows that.”

Famous Travel Blogger Incredibly Boring To Actually Travel With

BUDAPEST, HUNGARY — Although she was very excited to tag along at first, 27-year-old Jenny Wilson found her trip with Instagram travel-blogging legend Brittany Sentel (aka @livefreely246) to be a “complete snooze-fest.” 

Jenny couldn’t wait to get out on the streets and fully experience Hungarian culture, but Brittany seemed to have other ideas.

“She had her head buried in her iPhone for hours on end, refreshing to see how many ‘likes' she had,” Jenny vented. “Occasionally she’d look up and ask me if she chose the right Instagram filter.”

Jenny won a contest to secure her spot on the trip. And as one of 143,000 followers of @livefreely246, she considered herself pretty lucky.

For two years, Jenny had followed Brittany’s world travels, ‘liking’ her Instagram photos as she camped out on the toilet at her corporate desk job.

“I mean technically I’m getting paid to poop, but she’s getting paid to be on vacation,” she said. “I’d been so jealous of her for so long, but for a social media star, she's pretty damn anti-social.”

Though the trip was scheduled for three days, Jenny cut it short when Brittany forced her to take one of those jumping, mid-air photos in front of the Hungarian Parliament Building. It took 27 attempts before they had a version Brittany was happy with.

 “I mean if you're a big-time travel blogger, learn how to time your jumps, you know?"